What can I do? - What can we do?

It started about fifty years ago. Before I didn't know what to do and was just floating along. But then I was knowing what I wanted to do and why. In about seven years steps I went from one project to the next, always realizing after some time that what I was doing was not really effective. When I did what I did, I liked it and put all my energy and enthusiasm. In any of these 'steps' I learned a lot and then out of this there developed the next step with a new idea and project. It was not that I was failing in what I did, in contrary, mostly I was very successful, but it seemed not essential enough to have a worthwhile value to continue with it and then there showed up a new way that I could follow with new energy and enthusiasm.

Thirty five years ago I founded the place 'FalconBlanco' on the island Ibiza in Spain and in those years it went through several phases with a lot of movement and happenings, with all kind of people coming and going. Even though I had a lot of illusions when I started this project and had to find out about reality in a tough learning process, I enjoyed my life during this time.

Now it seems that a new cycle is starting... Again I have the feeling, that what I have done until now, was not really essential and effective, even though it gave me essential insights as part of my personal growing process. I came to Ibiza, because I wanted to paint more, what I had done before. Ibiza has an incredible strong energy that stimulates artistic creativity. I started to paint, but then the practical work of building up this place took over. Being totally alone I had an intense exchange with people all over the world. In this time still limited to the snail mail. With the appearance of the Internet I went more into the writing and opened my own Web site, mostly for writing poetry and of course my exchange with people was easier and even more intense. Then I wrote in various forums for several years. When I had some serious diseases, then I was highly occupied with healing myself and writing about it at my Web site. All this has finished. The groups I had created has been taken over by others and I'm free of any responsibilities. What might be the next step? I don't know yet. Can it be, that it has to do with my activities at the Internet?

About four months ago I discovered the Hub-Pages and then started to write here. Before I have been at other writer places, but there were always a lot of writers but very few reader and visitors, so that hardly any responses were coming back. Now here at Hub-Pages I though this is a fantastic place and I was very enthusiastic to be able to express myself and to find people I could have an exchange with. In the time I have been here I wrote 35 hubs. Like every thing I'm doing, I reject any connection or motivation to make money with it. I can understand that maintaining this Hub-Pages needs a lot of effort and also money, so the advertisements can't be avoided, but I don't want to 'make money' with my writing. What I can see is, that many Hubs are done only with the motive to earn money and that obviously brings the quality too much down. That makes that the level of the reader is low and more and more writer are adapted with their Hubs to this low level. I wonder if this might be the reason why my Hubs have so few visitors and hardly any comments?

I am offering information to people who are looking for it, because I believe that this is the best and most essential I can do. But now after several years at the Internet I must realize, that the number of people who are searching for a real and essential answer are extremely low. An example: There are about 3.000 visitors at my Web site daily. That's quite a big number, but even though, I hardlyu received any feedback. Now I have nearly on every page a feedback form and from this there are about 5 to 10 feedback every day. But only once a month there is coming an essential question! That means that one out of 100.000 visitors has a question, all the others just make a comment. Here at Hub-Pages my Hubs had about 2.000 visitors in four months. That would mean that I might need to wait for several years to receive an essential question here! That's not possible! I want to be active, want to be in contact with people! So it seems again that I'm at the wrong place with my intention.

I had ask the question here at Hub-Pages, why the level of many Hubs are so low and also the comments. Nobody answered. So I went to other Hubs with subjects that were of interest for me and made my comments, but no real exchange happened. After a while I realized that the writer want comments, but they don't want to engage themselves too much in it. Nice comments are welcome, but that's all. When I started to write my comments being more critical about Hubs, then there was no response or a defensive one - or my comments were just deleted. Something was going wrong. What was it? I felt that there is some dynamic missing, the urge to enter into unknown fields. Yes, what's missing is 'pioneer spirit'! The urge to get out of old tracks, the urge to get out of the straitjacket of established concepts and self images! That I feel is missing! So what can I do about it?

I didn't feel any more that I wanted to go to high pitched clever hubs to make my comments, knowing that my critical writing style was not very welcome. But I wanted to engage myself, having some excitement, or at least some fun! So I explored other categories and came to a hub with the story about two angels who were travelling and doing things with their power. The story was so naive that only five years old kids might be interested to listen to it, but probably only kids from the last century when there hasn't been TV and video games... The comments to this hub were limited to words like: wonderful, beautiful, fantastic, nice and so on. So I could not resist to make the following comment to the hub:

My comment: "When the angels were hiding the gold, so that the rich man could not find it, then this was no punishment for the rich, but that the only cow of the poor family died, was a disaster for them. If the angel had the power not to let the woman die then he could be a little bit more generous. Maybe they could have transferred the gold into the poor peoples house or something like this. I don't see quite clear the point in this story, 'nothing seems to be like it looks like' is not enough. This would be a teaching for 3-5 years old kids, but a seven years old knows this already from own experience...
There is no moral to get out from it and there is no practical advice to be found, not even a funny spark. So can some body tell me what is 'wonderful, fantastic or nice' in this story? Maybe for 3 - 5 years old, but they can't write or read yet, so who wrote the comments must be older. I'm just wondering - and I will leave you...

PS: Oh, I see that I'm the only non-female commentator here. I still don't know if this an explication. But hey: All gal seem to be more or less blond. That will be the reason! Well, I'm still not sure, because I don't believe in classifications. What ever it is, I see you are united and happy, so I don't want to disturb with my opposite opinion about this story and will better now disappear..."

After a few days I received an email telling me that at a hub forum many people would jump on me because I had made an insulting comment. I went to this forum and found about ninety (!) comments about my 'horrible comment'. People called me names I haven't heard until now and found all kind of faults in me and my writing, even offering me physical punnishment. Oh what a drama! So I wrote a new comment:

My comment: I just received an email telling me about this movement I have created with my innocent comment. I read the 90 comments at: "rude comments on hubs are one thing but..." And I must say that I'm very much impressed about people's strong engagement. It seems that I have moved something, that indeed was my intention, but not into this direction! That really wasn't my intention, but getting so much attention has never happened before here for my more serious writings at Hub-Pages and I feel honored although the majority of the comments where at the intellectual level as the discussed hub. What counts more for me are the few who understand my comment. Also I must say, that evening when I wrote my comment, I was feeling bored by the so high pitched hubs and I was looking for something to have some fun when reading. I didn't find any thing so I just wanted to write something funny. I used to do this some years ago, but lately I have written only about serious topics. So when I read the 'Angel story' (I'm kind of allergic against those little fat guys called 'angels', like the picture in the hub) then I just wrote my comment about the story, but not realizing that the writer of this story might be identified with it and feel hurt about a negative critique. I agree that this was a mistake. I know, how easily people get hurt and normally I don't make any comment to such hubs or at places where people express themselves like this. I just wanted to have some fun after a hard, stressful day. And I had fun writing my comment. I ensure you, that I have learned my lesson and never again I will make a comment to a hub. But I will write hubs in a similar style and have fun with it, but who goes there and reads it and feels offended, then this is not my problem. Apart of this I am convinced that if somebody reacts to what ever shows up, then this is a good opportunity to look at oneself and find out why one is reacting. That might tell something important about ones personal background structure that one in this occasion can clear up. When I noticed that all comments were written by women just confirming this beautiful, wonderful, very nice story and then noticed that all women were more or less blond, then I admit, that I couldn't resist to mention this, being conscious about the provocation this might cause, even though I have not written any thing negative about blonds. All what came back now is just interpretation, what tells that the reader want to react and using this opportunity. Then calling me names and with this feeling great! So, for me this is OK and I don't feel the slightest bit offended.
For sure I will not come back to such hubs and I hope that 'starveme77' can forgive me after some time, at least a bit. I can ensure her that I understand completely that she feels deeply hurt if some body does not appreciate her self expression, even it is a naive story without much sense she picked up and then telling it at her hub. But any kind of self expression should be respected and better to say nothing then some thing negative. Reading my comment again, I still think it is funny and has some deeper sense than the story, even though it might be hard to see it. But I am used to this and I can take it easy, asking you better to do the same... I will leave in peace now, but I will be careful not to meet any one of you again, - still being afraid to be beaten up. I consider to leave Hub-Pages for good. I will get a new name and find another place.
Thank you all - a change is often good!
PS: Sorry for my poor English, but it is my forth language and I'm too old to learn to get better. PPS: Thank you for the fun I had when writing this comment. I was extremely careful not to write any thing that might offend somebody. I hope deeply that at least in this I am successful.

Well, so I had my fun writing all this, but then... Oh boy! What came back could have been frightening. I wonder why those words were not filtered by the program. I was told that they would beat me up and so on. I could not take all these over reactions seriously and the fact that this silliness is part of our daily reality dealing with people, were reducing my laughter. I started to feel kind of addicted being occupied with my nonsense writing, so I send another comment:

My comment: Me coused mor then hundret comens yu can be awfooly content yu hav gotton sooo much selfconfimmasion tru suppot. Yu mor want ok: Me appollogees aggain. Deerest ladie wiht the half hard: me sooo sorrow. hav writen me coment me totali haappi end lik druncan. nau wil disappel fur ewer, garranti!! ya ya ya

and the next: Me appollogeese egain me forget run wiht coment thru hell pecker, no: psell hecker. me sooo sorrow. by,by.

Yu ladie tooo serios me so sori no me cappelbe mak yu laf o litel bite smyle. Soo sori me frome buttom of me hard... Nau me do p*sst offf.

next comment: Now seriously: I have changed my profile image to this beautiful, nice, blond angle! Just to please you. I hope that you appreciate my effort! And with this I will
disappear...

next comment: Now seriously: I have changed my profile image to this beautiful, nice, blond angle! Just to please you. I hope that you appreciate my effort! And with this I will disappear...

Last comment: You deleted my other comments. These were essential parts of my self expression. I feel eliminated and deeply hurt. Now you took my profile angel picture serious and so you oblige me to change my profile image again. I will make a new hub and include then all my comments in a documentation. Don't worry, it is not about blonds and their naivety and unbelievable silliness! It has to do with myself and my learning process in this incredible primitive and underdeveloped world. I will give you the link when the hub is done, so that you can see that I'm not weird or any thing you and others have been calling me.

* * * * * *

Well, I agree: My comments from the beginning on were nonsense and not serious, but I had fun with it and though others also would see it as funny, but I was wrong, all was felt as very serious and I would have been beaten up if I would have been available with my physical presence. Now, what I have learned from this? My question from the first beginning at Hub-Pages: "Why the level of many Hubs are so low and also the comments?" Is answered now from my own experience when I went myself into this low level writing. I came to a state where I didn't need to think. I just had fun by writing nonesense, provoking when I did not follow the rules and then there came the reactions, telling me what people expect: In the first place they want to be confirmed and comforted. That gives them a kind of 'unitedness', then they don't feel alone. They don't want to be criticized, in no aspect, if this happens, then they will hit back with the full strength of their intelligence, even though this might be little... Not Hub-Pages, not other writer places are ment to give a platform for questioning oneself or what shows up when expressing oneself. There are no questions showing up that might express doubts about the established form of thinking or behavior of a member of our society.

So I'm still left with my question: What can I do? For sure I don't want any more to write funny nonsense comments, provoking others to get their attention. Also I don't want to write hubs that no body wants to read. But also I don't want to write what people want, just to be entertained or to be confirmed in their concepts and self image. If there is nothing left to do, then what I'm doing here?

Well, the other question: "What can we do?" Is not yet answered. Just a few days ago I have started a hub with the intention that with the comments from others we can come to a conclusion and answer. I am sure that there are Huber with the potential to participate in a creative way so that a solution can be worked out, but most Huber are busy with writing their own hubs and responding to comments to their hubs, so there is not much space for others. I have not given up with my hub-project and this hub might serve to promote the project. We will see...

* * * * * * * * *

When I just wrote a comment to the hub: What are Shikata and the Shikata Ashram Project?, then this got very long, so I will include it here in my hub because it provokes the same thoughts as coming up here.

BeiYin: Retsuzen, reading your hub I recognize in it the exact description of 'FalconBlanco' accept that it is not named as 'Shikata' and not connected with Zen Buddhism. That seems to be a big problem for people, because they can't put us in any box that confirms their self image and belief system. With the result, that we have a lack of visitors and members, what has left us with too much work and a big mess around. When we accept new people, then we have to deal with their frustration and anger reactions, when they not get what they expect, with the result that they produce more work for us than they are doing. This seems to be a dilemma, but not really for me, because this is our reality we need to deal with and I see it as the 'path'. It doesn't really matter what it is and what circumstances and what kind of people, it is the challenge and how we deal with it, how we relate and respond, that's: 'The path'.

When some body asked you: “What is Shikata?” Then you had answered: “Shikata is a mix of Zen Buddhism and traditional homesteading, or just the way.”
That sounds good, but actually you are just creating a new image, supported by already existing ones. When you say: "Just the way." Then this leaves it up to the person who asks, to fill it with already established images. It seems not possible to avoid this. If one explains it with more details, then this person will not listen or just ignore any information about it, holding on whatever image he/she has. When you want to make an 'ashram' then all people have a concept about it and then they will come to live their image. The same when you say: "Community". Then they come and of course expect a certain structure they can follow, the same or a similar structure they own, giving them their established fake reality. Also they are expecting an authority, that might be a guru, a master, priest or teacher. So then they can follow their advices and teachings. Then it will work and people are content and feel secure. Then they will know what to do, to think and to believe, - every thing has its place and every body can be happy...
If there is a name for this 'place' like 'FalconBlanco' and there is no real image connected with it and if there is no given structure and no claimed authority, then people might be attracted, but when they have been told that living here is just 'the way' and that they need to take self responsibility, getting out of dependencies, then they are highly disturbed and feel insecure. There might be some one who is ready and understands, then it might be possible to go on and with the help of meditation to find ones inner balance and out of this being able to observe ones surrounding and oneself. Otherwise the usual survival techniques will be used to find the reason for ones reactions and that is on the outside and others. With this all kind of complains will be found and so having a justified reason to leave...
What can be done about it? Are you willing to make a compromise and give people what they want? With the thought that people live in a structured place, doing their meditation and chanting or whatever is part of the setup, then they will come to the moment to go beyond their holding structure? That would be then the given structure of a monastery. I don't know if it works, I just know that this is not what I want, because I don't see much difference from living a normal life in society, except that one isn't exposed so much to the distractions of consume, entertainment and worries. But the self protecting and conserving game is the same. I can even see, that the protective space in a monastery might even make it more difficult to drop ones straitjacket, because the provoking happenings and encounter in daily life are in good part avoided. The most serious part of ones survival game is, that the same strategy is used with what shows up from ones inside and these then are suppressed or eliminated with particular techniques. So I prefer to keep the contact with the outside world and normal people in this society and deal with whatever shows up. The same conditions and happenings every body has to deal with, just with the difference, that we relate and respond not out of a concept and so being resistant and fighting against conditions, but dealing with them in a creative way and this with surprising positive results, that are noticed by others...

So there is no way to explain to people what 'the path' really is, because they only will include it in their image collection and no explication as much precise it might be, will change this. So, what can I do about it? - What can we do?

PS: About ten years ago I wanted to give up and so I wanted to give the place away gratis to some body who would like to continue with my intention. So I announced it at various places, but no response came back, probably all thought that this is a trap or a scam.

Now I'm in a similar situation and want to make a suggestion: I don't know how far your building is realized. But maybe it would be better, before you start to move a lot of material stuff, to try out your project. I can offer the place with all established practical structure for about fifteen people. Then you can try to live your ideas and see how it works. There is enough food and other resources for all, without need to work very much for it. If you see after a few months that it works, then you can continue creating your own place, if not, then people can go without any problem where they came from. It might be, that one or the other want to stay, then this is an open possibility...

Might this be a step to find out what we can do?

I know several people, who after living a few months at 'FalconBlanco',created their own 'community'. They all gave up after a few years, very disappointed and bitter...

I have passed all this and I can go on or give up, that doesn't make much difference: The 'path' goes with me - wherever I go or wherever I will be, because it is within me and nobody and nothing can take it away or distract me from it...

Comments to the comments: From what Retsuzen writes in his comment tells that what he understands using the image 'path' is extremely different than what it is for me. I am calling it the 'pathless path' and I will not say more about it as I have written enough about it at my Web site.- - - It seems to me, that the initiator of the Shikata Path tried to initiate the 'pathless path' but then nobody could follow him and then instead living it pure and direct, a belief system was made out of it. The same what happened with Jesus' expressions coming out of his experience and were converted into concepts and... I don't want to go into this now. This could be a new hub. - - -