BeiYin answers Questions

Established unquestioned concepts are the real reason for disappointment and stress?

BeiYin: In our society every body is carrying a lot of common concepts with them, these are forming ones world view and ones self image. From there are coming our wishes and goals. From there we built up our security and our self esteem. From there we are motivated and that give us our feeling of existence. This is our *Personality*, that we feel we are. We strive to make this personality bigger, stronger, richer and blow it up as much we can... We are identified with our properties that we have gained and collected: Knowledge, experiences, memories, things, money, family, partners, children, friends, enemies, followers, fans and every thing else that might reflect us.

We are constantly looking for confirmation for our properties so that our feeling of existence stays alive. We are reacting all the time and to what ever shows up and so we can agree or disagree, feeling good or being angry and as we are also identified with our reactions, this might be feelings or thoughts, so we are confirmed in our personality.

But is this *Personality* something real? Or is it just an illusion we have created ourselves, with the help of this society in that we we are a part of and that keeps us busy? Are we living in a fake reality? Are the concepts we are holding the reason why we are not able to relate directly to what is there, only through the filter of our concepts that dominate our view? And because our concepts are coming often from people who created them for their own purpose to gain power to strengthen their position, so these are also part of our fake reality?
We are not questioning our self because that brings us into an insecure position? Do we all defend that what we believe we are: A self constructed and contained illusion? Is this the real reason why we have so much stress going through life? Because reality doesn't fit always to our concepts how things should be? And then we are disappointed and frustrated, right? Then we are getting out of balance with our self-feeling and we are taking or doing things to find back our balance, often damaging our health with these substitutes...
We are not capable to relate objective to what shows up in daily life, because we are expecting a certain way how things should be and how people should behave. Do we succeed? Not really, even though we are doing our best to change things and people and we are very good in manipulating conditions and people.

Can we make it work? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, mostly not and that causes disappointment and stress, right?

So what can we do about it? Can we change the world?

BeiYin: Obviously not. What about changing ourselves? That seems to be the solution. About this during the last twenty years there have been developed some new concepts published by best seller writers. These new concepts are so sophisticated that they fulfil the need of any one who has doubts and so one can live ones new self image and can keep oneself busy for the rest of ones life. Right?

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I need help to understand my husband, we had some big problems in the past now things are better...

Then they were thank God, but every time he does something that would really upset me and I confront him, - he NEVER has an answer. At first he would always tell me its his first marriage (so is my first time being married) or he would just sit there not saying anything until I walk away. We have 2 little kids now 18m old and a 3m old I'm tired and both are little sick so I hear crying all day every day. - I get no help from anyone I'm all by myself. My husband works, when he comes home I want to talk, I want some kind of communication, - nope. He goes to the computer and sits there watching movies...

BeiYin: You need to ask yourself some questions:
What is the real problem? You are complaining about your husband and you are expressing it to him. You are really upset and you confront (!) him. Probably you are showing your anger and disappointment. He feels this as an attack and he is trying to defend himself the best he can and that is closing himself, not talking. You need to change your attitude towards him, so that he doesn't feel criticized and attacked. If you *love* him then this is a good base. Try to understand him. He has some issues from his past that has formed his behavior. He is not conscious about it and reacts from this background. Just accept him as the human being he is with all his faults and misery. That might be a good start to overcome his behavior problems.

It is not only how he behaves and treats you, it is the same from your side. He might be disappointed about how you complain, even without expressing it in words. Do you appreciate what he is doing for you? Have you looked at yourself? Have you tried to change yourself or the way you are expressing yourself?

Giving the fault to the other and to the outside is the usual attitude and behavior and of course this happens from both sides. This creates an aggressive field on which communication is hardly possible. Have you tried to talk with him in a way not giving the fault to him? Are you angry at him? With this energy you will not open him and yourself for a talk, so change this first.

The situation is a challenge for you, don't feel like a victim! See the happening as part of your learning, growing and healing process, then it will be creative and this situation in your marriage will solve itself by the growing of both of you beyond it.

Your husband might not understand all this, but if you do, then he will open up, not wanting to escape, and then you will be able to communicate with each other and also he will be more able to express his good feelings to you.

I hope this helps as a positive start. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask. I wish all four of you *light and warmth*. My other hubs might give you some more hints about relationship and communication: Expectations...  - Why relationships fail... - and others...

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What makes Consciousness? How does it happen?

BeiYin: Consciousness does not happen, consciousness *is*. Consciousness does not depend on thoughts or feelings, although in a primitive state of being, like it is in the majority of humans, it is bound to the identification with body, mind and emotions and so can't go beyond what is established as 'personality'. And of course in a plant or an animal it is bound to the physical structure and rudimentary personality. Only in an advanced state of evolution, consciousness can go beyond the limited personality and expand to other wider dimensions. There have been very few individuals during human history who have shown signs of a higher consciousness, but it turned out that it is senseless that they have been talking or writing about this, because without the experience that only can be the result of ones personal *growing process*, it will be only integrated as an other concept and stay as a theory, - or it will be made to a belief and be added to the pool of properties of fake reality of this person and also of society.

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